I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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