Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
