So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
