bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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