I must be too annoying 4 u.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
