if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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