I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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