i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
