I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Found your dick twin last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
