he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
