you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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