The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
