I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
