Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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