I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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