Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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