I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
