i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
