Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i think i just lost a toe
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
