i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
