wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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