I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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