Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
