I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize