It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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