Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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