At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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