I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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