fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
