WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
