the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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