i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
