Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
