sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
