Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
