Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
