Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
