Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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