woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
