Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You made out with two different species that night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
