FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
