I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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