oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
