Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
