gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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