R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I just sharted jello shots
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
