I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
