Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
