I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
