Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she smelled like a LAN party
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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