When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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