whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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