1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
