Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
