i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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