I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
