Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
