Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
