Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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