How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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