We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
