office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
