Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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