I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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