guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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