I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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