singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
