I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
