your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
