you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
