the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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