I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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