I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
