why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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