It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
