I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
