it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
