just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
